TV WEEK: Mary's Blog - 2 June

She's opinionated, she's passionate, she's super-critical and TV WEEK blogger Mary has a lot to say about... Big Brother.

Big Brother Eviction 4

Monday, June 2, 2008

Mike Goldman's somehow arranged to give Kyle a "chest infection" so he can move in on Kyle's turf. Apparently, he was going to squirt shower gel in his eyes, but somebody already took that idea.

Speaking of which, Travis is still off getting treatment on his eye. Now we all know how dangerous it is, expect shower gel to be the next thing banned on international flights.

Ben's feeling bad about how his practical joke on Travis turned out and BB's not giving him much information. I think BB could be having a lot more fun at Ben's expense. I'd be telling him that Travis needs a cornea transplant and it just so happens that Ben's a perfect match...

Travis sends a message of love to his "second best friend in the world, Benny Boo Boo Boo". How nice for Travis's real friends in the outside world to know they've been replaced in his affections by someone he's known for five weeks and who may have blinded him.

Isn't it lucky for Travis that Ollie the trainee guide dog is in the house? (And, by the way, he is my favourite housemate of all time.) Perhaps Travis's blindness is all part of a cunning plan to maim each housemate one by one, but give them an animal to help them out. If they put in one of those capuchin monkeys that helps quadriplegic people, I'd advise the housemates to be very, very careful. I mean, they've already broken Rima's leg...

Intruder one

Time to meet the intruders. First is "yummy mummy" Rhianna, who is basically Brigitte plus a few years. Rhianna's a single mum who got knocked up at the formal. You know, most girls would just be happy with a corsage...

Rhianna's looking for love in the BB house. Who will she find it with? My money's on Rory — since he's looking for "a missus and a mistress", she's got double the chance with him.

Oh no — apparently, she finds Rory too "dominant" and she's more interested in 19-year-old Ben. What a shame he didn't meet her eight months ago when he probably needed a date for his formal.

Rhianna's daughter Mia comes out to say goodbye. She looks distinctly unimpressed. And Rhianna goes off to spend the next few weeks embarrassing her and giving her lots of stuff to talk to her therapist about in a few years.

The housemates discuss their ideal intruders. Mine would be a serial killer who enjoys a challenge...

Who's in the bottom three?

Rory's already sitting in one of the hot seats, figuring he's up for eviction again.

But it's Dixie, Bianca and Alice. Dixie looks quite happy. Bianca and Alice do not.

Mike and Jackie speculate that Renee will use her power to save fellow Dubbo girl Dixie because of their pact, but she doesn't — she saves Alice instead because it's her birthday. Watch out, Renee — the streets of Dubbo won't be safe for you anymore.

Now Nobbi's in the bottom three. I don't think he's in any danger of being kicked out. I'll be surprised if the housemates give him any points at all. He is actually quite amusing, though I'm glad he got a strike against him for excessive bad language — it was getting to the point where entire episodes were just one long beep. Or maybe they were just entire episodes of Travis talking. It's so difficult to tell.

Time to vote

Ben gives two points to farty Dixie and one to Bianca because she overreacts to things. BB doesn't accept this reason, so Ben says it's because she doesn't do as much housework as the others. Cranky BB is forced to accept because of time constraints, but warns Ben it's the last time he'll accept "not cleaning" as a reason for evicting. But apparently "excessive flatulence" is OK. Why didn't Ben just say, "I like Nobbi better"?

Brigitte gives two points to Bianca for telling her to "grow a brain", which Brigitte didn't like. I mean, how's she supposed to grow a brain in there, without seeds or anything? And, once again, Dixie scores a point for her gassiness. Who knew it was such a big problem?

Always one to live in the past, Terri gives two points to two-faced Bianca for something to do with Corey. That's so two weeks ago. She's obviously been bearing a grudge and waiting for her first chance to boot out Bianca. Surprisingly, she doesn't give any points to Nobbi, but nominates Dixie instead for her hair-curlingly bad language. Apparently, she doesn't think Dixie's been a very good "can't think of the word" for her "indigenous crowd". I can think of a lot of words for Terri right now. Unfortunately, they're beep beep beep beep and beep.

Intruder two

It's Terrence the auctioneer, who's basically a little bit Terri, a little bit John Michael Howson. I was hoping they'd put in an older person who was actually quite young at heart and fun, but no — he's another grouch who likes to whinge about "kids today". It doesn't seem to occur to him — or Terri — that the kids are probably looking at them and thinking, "Well, if this is what I've got to look forward to, may as well have fun now because it's obviously all downhill from here."

He's an idiot. He's annoying, embarrassing, loud and full of the sort of stupid clichés you hear at motivational seminars. I'm looking forward to the "kids" ganging up on him.

It's Rory's turn to vote. He gives two points to Dixie because she's down and sick of doing laundry, which BB questions. It seems reasonable to me since Dixie was threatening to leave the other day because she couldn't have a clothesline. But who will he pick between his beloved Bianca and his mate Nobbi? Ooh, it's all so Sophie's Choice... and he goes with Bianca. Because, let's face it: Rory has a better chance of scoring with Nobbi than he does with her.

Alice gives two points to Bianca because Dixie and Nobbi are more fun than her. Well, ingrown toenails are more fun than Bianca. And she gives a point to "Nobster" because she figures no one else has.

Travis, speaking from his "secret location" (like a really lame Bond villain) nominates Dixie for two points for something unintelligible about her being frustrating. He gives a point to Nobbi for another ridiculous reason that makes me want to stomp on his stupid sunglasses — while he's still wearing them.

Tedious diary time during which we learn that: nobody thinks Brigitte "deserves" to be there (including Brigitte); Dubbo girls don't like dogs; Travis cannot have a conversation without using the word "possimistic"; and none of them have been keeping up with their dance practice.

Intruder three

Intruder three is "sexy surfer" Cherry, who clearly won't be raising the average IQ in the house. Jackie uses the word "segregated" in her interview with him and he obviously doesn't know what it means. He's basically a pretty-boy boring drip. He and Brigitte will probably get married.

Eviction time

But first, we find out who Nobbi voted for.

He gave two points to Dixie for being greedy, lazy and staining his jumper, and one to Bianca for making bad pumpkin soup.

And it's time to go... Whistling Dixie. Well, I guess that really cleared the air.

She seems happy enough, but I think it's a shame. Dixie was like seven different housemates in one.

She wastes no time hoeing into the sponsor's product. But somehow, I don't think they'll be using her in their ads...

Turns out Renee gave four points to Nobbi because she thinks he's safe and two to Bianca. BB asks Renee if she's voting strategically, but unfortunately, that's not one of the "words of the day" Travis has given her yet, so she doesn't know what it means.

Dixie says she's excited about going to New York with Renee, even though neither of them know where it is. Now clearly, frequent school attendance was not a high priority for Renee, which explains some of the alarming gaps in her general knowledge. But Dixie must have a degree, so what is her excuse for not knowing an awful lot of stuff she probably should know?

Bianca gave two points to Dixie for making "sexual moaning noises" in her sleep and one to Nobbi.

Dixie, it transpires, gave herself two points because she's sick of doing laundry and one to Bianca for being "an opinionated kitchen nazi".

I don't think people should be able to vote for themselves — I think it should be against the rules like it is on Survivor. They signed up for it and they should have to stick it out to the bitter end.

Mike asks Dixie how to get a stain out of his jacket. Didn't he listen to Nobbi? Dixie is the great stainer.

Jackie quickly changes the subject, effectively saying, "Shut up, Mike."

After a quick chat, Dixie gets her new phone and Kumuka trip. Now she just has to work out where the hell Kumuka is...

Meet the intruders

The boys are sent to the garden to welcome Rhianna. She giggles. A lot.

The girls stay inside and meet Cherry, who immediately bonds with the dog. And with Ollie.

Time for everyone to meet the intruders, but most of it's beeped out. They've got to be racking up strikes left, right and centre. If BB keeps his word to evict people with three strikes, at this rate, we're looking at seven weeks with Ollie, which suits me. I bet he could point to New York on a map.

Terri's sent to the diary room to meet Terrence. It's hard to tell what she's more excited about — Terrence or getting her knitting bag.

Terrence meets the housemates.

Yep. He's gonna be annoying.

Ben might have to sort him out with some shower gel.

Mike and Jackie reveal that we're going back to the old voting system — the housemates nominate and the public evicts.

Damn. Somehow, I don't think BB will accept "because she's a stinkypants" anymore...

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